I want to be more in love

Sometimes I talk to others and I realize how much more I want to be so in love with Jesus. I see there genuine desire and their genuine passion and I realize that so much of my faith is stuck in head knowledge.
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I've been stubborn and blocked off a lot of my heart.

I've been lazy and I've avoided a lot of discapline in important areas. I've allowed so much distraction.

Sometimes I get glimpes of the responsibility of my work and I realize how much more in love with Jesus I need to be.

Sometimes I get glimpses of how there are going to be some very difficult situations and people in my work - not yet, but I see small foreshadowings of myself being immature and discontent and I see small foreshadowings of potential catastrophes springing up from some strong characters.

And I realize how anchored I'm going to need to be.

How I'm going to need to let my ego and my pride on the table.

How I'm going to need to let first things be first and the important things count and just drop personal injury.

How I'll need to shut up for once.

And I realize I'm not there - i've got a long way to go.

I've just felt really spiritually oppressed this summer. And I'm feeling vulnerable. And I'm realizing I need to surround myself in Jesus' love and Jesus' strength and with an envioronment that will help me be discaplined to do that.

How I need to admit that distractions are distractions and to sacrifice them. To admit that oppression is there. That there are forces that want to keep me away from that perfect love that will define me and make me effective to bless others.