Belief Journey

So, yes, I'm still back tracking on my thoughts during my travels. I guess I'll probably be doing that all of this month since I'm a very lazy blogger.

Anyhow, the whole time I was in the van traveling from

(Oh my gosh - it's super duper snowing outside right now! - in Edmonton that is)

Anyhow, the whole time I was in the van traveling from Saskatoon to Mexico, and also a lot of time while I was on the plane to China, I was thinking about one thing predominately....

The Opposite Sex.

Just kidding. Well, more than that I was thinking about what I believe. I have close friends who don't believe what I believe at all. Some of them pique me and make little comments. Some of them didn't trust me at first because they thought that I was their friend just so that I could make them believe as I do. Some of them are very respectful and encourage me. Some of them used to believe what I believe and now don't believe at all or have adjusted their beliefs to suit themselves and their lifestyles.

So anyhow, it's the last group especially that makes me think. Especially because I remember worshiping God with them. I remember discussing God's love and work with them. Now they look on me with pity like I'm still in the dark. And I can imagine all of their arguments all lined up like soldiers.

The main one being - Your Faith... well that's the way you were socialized so it's like a security blanket, a crutch, a placebo. It's part of North American Culture.

The reason I was thinking of belief so much is because now I'm actually working for a church. I can't let my belief sit aside quietly while I go on with life and work activities. My belief is now central for my everyday work. I can't fake it. I'm a very bad faker and it makes me feel miserable about myself like I'm an orange tele-evangelist or something.

(I just took Murphy out for a pee and was witnessed to by Jehovah Witnesses) (Murphy is a dog)

Anyhow, the central meaning of the word "belief" is to trust something is true. So how can we trust something is true if we haven't measured it up? If we haven't questioned and searched?

Belief is not static. It's a roaming and searching creature and it needs strengthening.

So on the dawn of this huge doubting session and thinking period on this trip I was scared to embark on this mental trip. But then I was like "Hello!" You keep telling your friends to search for truth and if you are being honest and you are truly searching for truth, God will reveal himself to you and you will find truth. Don't let any unsettled feeling lie, any emptiness be accepted. Just search search search. Let your belief be true, not a default, not a security blanket.

So then why am I afraid to question and search? God will answer me and reassure me if I'm being honest and if he is true and this lifestyle is the answer to human emptiness.